so what next?

haha i feel like im a conqueror. but im still trying to figure out what i have conquered. i feel confident, alive, and ambitious. i can and will do all, where ever my dreams take me. Right now im thinking NY for awhile, being a professional caricaturist. or maybe go to italy, and get some inspiration from the masters XD. i can do anything i put my mind to, i know i can.

one of the hardest lessons i have learned is to believe in me, just because someone says that its hard to do something..doesnt make it impossible, in fact it makes it even better when you reach your goal at the end!
quit giving up on something you want because it looks out of reach, you will never know until you try.

Power to those of you who will never give up on your dreams, even more to those who reach them, and help others to reach theirs

sunshine and roses..

Simple Joys

Little things in life that make me smile.
a cold dr pepper
a smile from a friend
a compliment from a stranger
a well worded email or comment on my facebook
good grades
playing my favorite songs on my ipod
being able to dance around crazily
an i love you from my baby sister
watching it rain..

i think too often we take life for granted
not everyone gets the opportunities we get

i cannot say that i have never taken life for granted.but now i make an attempt to smile more, to enjoy little things now..cuz it wont be long before i cant enjoy them.
Live to its fullest. No im not saying go spend all your money on a new xbox and enjoy the matierial joys...
notice the little things, ever have something that just makes you smile, something little..like a fresh notebook? new socks/shoes? a sip of your favorite drink, a certain smell or friend?
i find a fresh sketchbook to be very reassuring, a finished sketch even more so.

enjoy the little things, before they pass you by.

my eyes are open

in the midst of the hurricane..i am surrounded by peace. tho the wind is tearing out my hair, grit is destroying my skin, and i have long been deaf from teh roar of the storm..i can still smile.
every dream i held has been destroyed, and yet my laughter can be heard echoing in the wind. though i feel as though my heart cannot stand anymore pain, it is full of joy.
i think i know what you might be thinking...
she finally lost it...she didnt have much..but its gone now

nah. i was crazy before. i was limiting my dreams to what i knew was safe to expect. well..i will be a mom because..70% of people can be a mom. and i want to
well..i will be a teacher because we need teahcers and its a dependable paycheck...and i want to

always, i brainwashed myself into believeing i wanted it. when really i was giving up on my bigger dreams. i was settling. we only get ONE life. lets live it to its fullest. dont settle for anything less then your dreams, if you survive eating sandwiches and living in a small trailer...as long as you are happy with where you are and what you do...you are living life to its fullest.

Sometimes..its better to let go

i dont even know how to describe what im feeling, fear? intimidation? a loss of control...i have lost so much the past year...i am not giving up anymore. which is why i made the choice i made. sometimes, its better to let something die and sink..then to climb aboard and try to salvage what little is left.

I like to think of lost causes like the titanic...you can get on the lifeboat, stay put, or listen to the music play as you go down. The latter two are not appealing to me. i am still young, i still have a lot of life left to live. but..at the same time i dont want the boat to sink. i wish i was super man, and could lift it from the water. but......you cant save everything and living in regrets only brings on depression and guilt. both of which have shown evidence of causing health problems.

i put too much into this specific cause. for too long. instead of evacuating the ship, i was mopping a broken deck adn trying to pretend everything was all right even though i was scared to death. i ignored the alarms for so long..that i couldnt hear them anymore...until the iceberg scraped against my ship...past the point of salvation..it was time to abandon ship.

its not my first sinker...and i should have had the sensors on at full capacity and been watching for potential ice bergs...but i was ignorant, belieiving it could never sink. however fear and dread are a quick sober for the intoxication that bliss often brings.

now i have sounded the alarm, and abandoned ship. no im not being a good captian and going down with it. and i dont care

A crumbling foundation

i got to thinking today. when a foundation falls apart underneath you, you cant fix it while your structure is on top, at least not well enough to permenantly dispose of the problem. you have to destroy the current structure, lay a new foundation, and build a completely new structure. otherwise you get cracks, which can often lead to more serious problems.

the problem i have been having is feeling as though i am this structure, and the foundation i laid my life on has not been strong enough to support me, nor has it been serving its function as a cementing place for my life. this is probably one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.
i have to sit down, and figure out what needs to go, what stays, and where i need to rebuild. i cant do this based on what i believe others will do, say or feel. i have to do this based on whats going to help me the most, whats going to be most productive towards my goal and my life. it sounds selfish, but living my life to please others has gotten me no where.

God please give me the strength adn the wisdom to make the oncoming decisions, the courage to rebuild broken relationships, and the grace to make an easy transition.

felling better?

life can be confusing, but its all in your reaction and your attitude.
we cant change the world, only influence certain elements around us. lately i have been confusing emotion with action. its not wrong to be angry, its wrong to act based upon your anger. if we learn how to seperate ourselves from this issue, and see why we are really mad, and if its worth being angry about, then make a decision.
most of the things people in our society get mad about are trivial, and yes they can be important. but priority only goes to the things you give it to.
like a cell phone. yes it makes life more convienient and i really wish i had one, but its not a necessity.
life is more like a play, some scenes your on the stage playing your part, others you choose to sit back and watch them play out.

Why i Love You

when all the lights went out
and all seemed lost
when earth was about
to become a lost cause

there was a light
it seemed to get dimmer
no one moved towards it
it was barely a glimmer

earth cradled the candle
affection overflowing
not too hot to handle
and love was going

Through her veins
and into her heart
which bled so often
earth was torn apart

but the flame was moving
and it healed the rest
of her poor heart that was fluttering
for you knew what was best

but along came this candle
and once it had wick
it grew to the sun
because it had its pick

of affection so great
that bloomed into love
which grew into bonds
destined above

and earth changed alot
from a dark little seed
to a blossom so bright
it would not be believed

her stem grew tall
her leaves grew wide
her blossoms were amazing
and love took them astride

as the sun kissed the blossom
it became a tree
with roots so deep
yet leaves so free

the sun joined the tree
went inside its strong trunk
and deep inside
two thoughts were thunk

one became a man
very tall like the tree
the other a woman
whose spirit was finally free

inside they danced
no shame, no hate
just the man and the woman
their love was great

so great that the tree
could not contain love
so it burst at the roots
and they were sent above

to dance in the stars
that made their eyes shine
where all dreams that were yours
were also mine

to think this all started
with one little light
that refused to be extinguished
and tried to be bright.