Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Dear God...

i dont know what to think
about anything right now
i dont want to
i want to listen to my breathing as it grows even
feel the muscles in my body relax
i want to stare into the distance
and feel my eyes become unfocused
i dont want to feel
i just want to be dormant
nonexistant for awhile
not forever
just for a little bit
i want the pain to go away
the headachs, heartaches and tension
i want to forget the past present and future
i dont understand anything
i dont want to anymore
but im tired of hurting
for no reason at all
tired of a deep sinking feeling in my heart
that pulls me down farther everyday
i dont know whats going on
i pray everynight that you will help me through this
but nothing happens
what am i doing wrong?
i think i have lost site of you Lord....
i dont know how to find you again
always i go in this circle of disobedience..
i dont want it to keep going
i find you, then forget you
find, then forget
and forget.
im tired of hurting....
please carry me through this new chapter
for i dont know how to live it
guide my choices
choose my words
i surrender myself, my mind, and my soul to you Lord.
I want to live my life the way you want me to
please be there to help me through

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