Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sometimes i feel old

My birthday is in about a month, and i feel pretty old today. I will be turning 20 soon.... and yeah i know. I am still very young. But in a sense i think i am allowed to feel old. I have experienced more in my twenty years than most people ever experience.

I wonder if the way a person is born is any reflection on how they will live there life. My dad told me i was born breech, after they had tried to turn me twice. We joke about how that reflects my stubbornness to take on life in a different and not always beneficial way.

I am a strong person, not to toot my horn, but i am. But i did not have that strength naturally; if i did, i did not know how to channel it. Life has given me alot of experience, some fun, some not so fun. But all i can reflect on. I have no regrets. Without these mistakes, trials, choices, and experiences i would not be the person i am today. These experiences helped shape me into who i am now.
No i am not perfect, but i think i am a decent person.

I'm a little less naiive now, alot more observant. My curiosity is about the same. I still have my fiery red-headed temper as one of my friends coined it. But i have a lot more self control. My hunger for attention is sated with my job, where i tutor one on one with students, giving them attention. Kinda funny how that worked out.

My outgoing side is a bit more subdued, I don't reach out to someone unless i can get a good idea of their intentions. My confidence is bipolar. I have good days, where i feel i can accomplish anything, and bad days, where i wonder what the point to all this is. My intelligence is ever growing, as i am still in school... the IQ test i took four years ago that put me at 160 is still accurate.

My wisdom....i often wonder about. They say life experiences make you wiser, and it's often a good idea to rely on the wisdom of our elders for guidance. I don't believe i am wise. I don't think i am at all. But my list of life experiences could easily say differently. Most girls my age don't know how to juggle making a bowl of frosted flakes for the three year old you are also holding with a bloody nose.
What this has to do with my life-plan i have no clue.

Somedays i feel ancient, like i have lived far beyond my years. other days, i feel incredibly young and in-experienced. Normally, i feel just right. I enjoy where i am at in young adult hood, I don't plan to rush growing up

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