ok...this has been an interesting week. but nothing i havent seen before, that is until now. This last tuesday my great grandpa passed away. Honestly i always considered him more of a grandfather, because i never knew the grandfather on my dad's side. This hurts more then i anticipated, i didn't get to see him very often. But when i think about him, i can't help but smile.
he was so cool, even when i was little, i remember sitting on his lap and him stroking my hair, even when mom was mad at me, saying i inherited his stubborn streak. i remember him and my dad looking alot alike. i remember getting checks from him evey christmas. and, more recently, talking to him seriously about my plans for my future.
One thing that really brings the tears to my eyes is something he said a couple years ago. He told me never to settle, that he could see i would go really far in life, if i didnt let it bog me down. I almost cried then. He told me i turned into a beautiful young woman, and reminded me of distant memories of christmases past. i remeber hugging him, and praying i would get to see him again.
Im going to miss him so much. He was such a lively man, even in his later years. He had a great sense of humor, and though i didnt get to talk much with him, always knew what to say to make me smile.
I think my favorite memory of my grandfather is when i was probably about...six? we were having christmas at his house, and i was throwing a tantrum. My mother had gotten after me for something, and i was upset. He took me on his lap, and tucked my unruly mane behind my ear, looked me in the eye and said, "you deserved it" i cant help but laugh thinking back. but i remeber the twinkle in his eyes, the way he rubbed my back even though i was in trouble.
i just wish i had been able to see more of him, to get to know him better. I'm so angry with the world right now. it seems everything i care about is being pulled away, just as i get to my feet.
If you can hear me, I love you Grandpa....im sorry i cant say it to you in person