I have survived the first month of college, but not without my ups and downs and some scars and regrets. These days its so easy to get caught up in the hype of "what i want to do" rather than thinking "wht i need to do" . This past month has been full of mistakes and regrets for me. Luckily i have some good friends that cared enough about me to call me on my crap and give me a wake up call.
To be exact i got caught up in a life that i often condemned others for. I wanted to be wanted i guess is the proper term. so i compromised my values to become a person they would want to be around. thanks to some divine intervention from one of my best friends i was able to wake up and realize that i didnt want to be on the road i was starting to head off on in a few months. Shoot i didnt want to be on it then. i didnt think about how my choices would affect my future, and once it was pointed out, i saw i was headed in the opposite direction of where i wanted to be.
So hopefully with the help of my close friends who cared enough to go, "knock it off" i will be able to truely be myself and break away from my people pleaser habits.
On a lighter note the friends that have been worth my time and who have stuck around despite my evil ways are now closer to my heart then ever. I am having a blast with college life and doing random things just because i can. Like running through a sprinkler, or balancing on a six foot ledge and falling back on the grass that grows in about two places on campus.
Found a church i really like here, has a lot of qualities i looked for. This past month has shown me that no matter how strong you think you are, or how independent you think you can be, its just the opposite. Those who are the strongest still will fall short, those who need no one wil find themselves utterly alone and helpless. Thats why we need a loving and forgiving God who will always be there to help us up when we fall off the path.
I am finally learning what it means to be an adult. I dont know how great of an adult i will be, i know i am far from perfect and often screw up and go on with my life without thinking. I have a lot of regrets. But i am going to do my best to become my vision of what i want to be when i grow up. That wonderful amazing flawless vision of this wonderful caring artist that i have had in my head since i was about 6 years old. I know i will never be her. but having that goal will help me to stay focused and allow me to ignore all of the distractions down here.
God has a plan for me, and i want to be ready to fulfill that role when he calls. I am in a hard situation right now, about 10-12 hours from home, truely independent for the first time of my life, and also surrounded by people i didnt think would say word one to me. But i know if i have faith that eventually God will show me what my purpose in this life is, i know i can be a godly woman. The woman i have always wanted to be.
Here are som epictures of what i have been doing this past month, i wil have a post with more pictures soon, but i really wanted to update my blog.